Older Adult Living with Adult Child

An older adult may have an adult child living with them, or moving back in with them. This may lead to problems. Minor problems when sharing a home with an adult child can be dealt with as follows. More serious problems may amount to elder abuse, and should be dealt with here.

This article deals with sharing a home with an adult child, including a kitchen and/or bathroom. If the adult child does not share a bathroom or kitchen – that is, they live in a self-contained unit with its own kitchen and bathroom  – then this is not sharing, this is a tenancy situation, and the Residential Tenancy Act applies. This is beyond the scope of this article. You should seek legal advice from us or the Tenant Resource and Advisory Centre in that situation.

House Rules

When an adult child is living under your roof, expectations can be unclear. They aren’t just another adult sharing a house with you. They have had some history with you, it is their childhood home to them, not just a house. You have been a care provider for them.

You may of course expect them to take on all the responsibilities that any unrelated adult would when living with you, but they may not. They may regress to be more dependent, or irresponsible, than you would like. It helps in these situations to set down the expectations in writing, in a contract. Attached is an example of a contract to use when adult child shares your home – click Contract for Adult Child Living at Home. You shouldn’t just present this contract to them for signing. Contracts should be negotiated, if possible, so both sides feel they have had their say and have come to a mutual agreement.

What if They Won’t Sign?

Your adult child may refuse to sign any agreement with you. They may have their feelings hurt. They may wonder why you are turning a family relationship into a contractual relationship. You should stand firm though, that it is your house and you expect them to live by the house rules. You can tell them you were treating them like an adult by setting it up as a contract. But if they still refuse, you can simply set out the house rules in writing yourself, along with the results if the rules are broken and present this document to them,. A form of the contract as house rules is attached here: House Rules for Adult Child.

When the Rules are Broken

The house rules have provisions for what happens if they are broken. There might be an increase in the cost of room and board, to more adequately reflect the cost to you. There may be ‘fines.’ The ultimate remedy for you, if your adult child will not live by your rules, is to make them leave your house. If you share the bathroom and kitchen with them, this is a simple process, as this is not a tenancy situation. You simply give your child notice that they are to leave. If they refuse to do so, they are a trespasser and the Trespass Act applies.

Trespass Notice

While a notice to leave can be given orally (you just tell them to leave), putting it in writing makes it clearer and avoids problems about who said what in the future. Here is a trespass notice to use here: Trespass-Notice. If they refuse to accept service of this notice, you can leave it at their feet. If they refuse to leave at this point, you can call the police. The trespass notice includes explanation of what the peace officer will do if called, and a separate page for you to set out the circumstances of serving the notice.

Change Locks

Once your child has left the premises you should consider changing the locks or lock combination, or having the locks changed by a locksmith. Does your child have keys/codes to your vehicle(s)? You may want to have these changed as well.

Belongings Left Behind

You cannot simply dispose of your child’s belongings left behind. You are considered in law to be holding any belongings (clothing, electronics, etc.) it trust for your child for a reasonable time, and you are required to provide reasonable access for your child to retrieve them (in law this is known as a “bailment” situation).

Subsequent Visits

If your child comes to retrieve their belongings, or in any subsequent visit, and refuses to leave when told to, it is again a trespass with the same option of calling the police.

Conclusion

While trespass notices, involving the police, and lock changing all sound like rather draconian actions to take against your child, in most cases these won’t be necessary. The fact that your child knows you are informed about these possible remedies and are prepared to use them if necessary will likely mean you thankfully won’t have to.

DISCLAIMER – This fact sheet contains legal information, not legal advice. Every situation is different. You should see a lawyer for specific legal advice about your situation.